Courtroom Employee Gifts

'There you go, bringing up the PAST again!'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Bailiff."

"We make crime pay."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

"Overruled."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'