Courtroom Workers Gifts

'What more can I say? I want justice, but I'm not about to clamor for it.'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Overruled."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

You're Out Of Order

Attorney and killer bee.

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'...unfortunately for you, I only see things in black and white.'

'No need to text me your answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'Sure, I'm a criminal psychopath, but look at all the JOBS I created!'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'