Courtroom Workers Gifts

'What more can I say? I want justice, but I'm not about to clamor for it.'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Overruled."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

Attorney and killer bee.

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

You're Out Of Order

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

'...unfortunately for you, I only see things in black and white.'

'No need to text me your answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'I accept that a dog can be a man's best friend but I'm afraid that doesn't qualify you to speak on the defendant's behalf...'