Courthouse Staff Gifts

"Okay, maybe I have been standing here too long!"

Do Not Bring Frivolous Lawsuits Against Cats!!!

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

Lady Justice.

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

You're Out Of Order

Attorney and killer bee.

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

'...unfortunately for you, I only see things in black and white.'

'No need to text me your answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'