Courthouse Staff Pillows

"Okay, maybe I have been standing here too long!"

Do Not Bring Frivolous Lawsuits Against Cats!!!

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

Lady Justice.

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

Attorney and killer bee.

You're Out Of Order

'...unfortunately for you, I only see things in black and white.'

'No need to text me your answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'