Court Workers Pillows

'I'm charging you with gross indecency.'

Trial by Media

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

Judge

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

Attorney and killer bee.

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

You're Out Of Order

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

'...unfortunately for you, I only see things in black and white.'

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'