Court Workers Gifts

'I'm charging you with gross indecency.'

Trial by Media

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

Judge

'Must you be so judgemental?'

You're Out Of Order

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

Attorney and killer bee.

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'

'...unfortunately for you, I only see things in black and white.'

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'