Court Employee Gifts

'More to the right!'

''Mobster'? -- I thought I agreed to testify against a lobster!'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

If it weren't for the Second, we wouldn't need to plea the Fifth.

'Some of us temper justice with mercy - McGregor tempers it with MONEY.'

'So I'm a bank robber -- What about multiculturalism?'

'We find for the defendant, but we're really not too crazy about his claim.'

'I hope the Court will take into account the fact that my client has been smoke-free for almost three months now!:

'You can plead 'guilty' or you can plead 'not guilty,' but you can't plead 'no problem.''

Trial by Media

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

You're Out Of Order

'Must you be so judgemental?'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'

Attorney and killer bee.

Judge