Court Staff Gifts

"8 guilty,3 not guilty and one peperoni pizza with extra cheese"

'We the jury find my nephew NOT GUILTY.'

Small Claims Court a man has arrived to a very small claims court not sure of what to make of it

'That Copier is Out of Order!'

"Yes, please approach the bench...but not too close."

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

'I would prefer to have counsel sit with his client.'

'As the trial is not as juicy as we thought it might be, one of our jurors requests permission to knit.'

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

"You're going to get a great summation! He's smashed!"

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'We find the defendant guilty as sin.'

'It's a service animal.'

'And it should be noted that when the prosecution called my client a liar, at no time did my client's pants start on fire.'

'Community service? Okay... but one at a time, hey?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

The Jury Decides.

'Can you fix it? Justice must be seen to be done!'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

You're Out Of Order

Hors d'oeuvres in the court.

No, you can't approach the bench if you have a cold.

'May I be honest with you?'

'Whatever you do, don't let them see the real you.'

'Sorry, Mr. Weinbaum, but you should have said 'Simon says not guilty.''

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

Attorney and killer bee.

'We're a little shorthanded out here today, guys -- anybody want to do some jury duty?'

"Your Honor, the State maintains the accused is an obvious flight risk."

'Innocent Mr Wilks? I'll be the judge of that.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"I swear to tell the truth, the whole...Oops!"

"This court has a zero tolerance policy."