Judicial Staff Gifts

Judge hearing two cases at once

Trial by Media

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

In and Out Tray

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'That's my 'job security' barometer.'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

Filling Cabinet - "Why are all the letters different?"

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

You're Out Of Order

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

Judge

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'