Courtroom Personnel Gifts

"You may approach the bench."

"I'm not accusing you of anything, Your Honor. I'm just saying the tip jar may create an impression of impropriety."

"I don't care how many chances the buffalo bills got�you're through!"

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

'The Jury is instructed to disregard the witness's big beautiful, luscious, bare tits!'

'This is a very important trial, Ferguson -- you'd better put pants on.'

'I realize this trial is exciting, but the jury will refrain from doing the wave.'

'Twenty years? -- There must be another way!'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"We make crime pay."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

Arrogant junior barrister

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'