Courtroom Official Gifts

"I'm sorry, I guess they just wanted it more."

'Yes, I technically did give illegal orders, but I naturally expected that the integrity of my subordinates would prevent their being carried out.'

"The jury's coming back. Lose the mask."

Trial by Media

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Bailiff."

"We make crime pay."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

Yawning barristers in court

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

Justice

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'