Courtroom Clerk Gifts

'No need to text me your answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Here's our verdict. Can we go now?"

"I'd like to be tried by a Jury of my Seers."

Judges think: 'This is really a great job?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Bailiff."

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"We make crime pay."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

Yawning barristers in court

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Arrogant junior barrister