Courtroom Worker Gifts

'I'm calling a recess unti tomorrow morning - That's enough justice for one day.'

'This court hereby sentences you to fifteen months in an imaginary box.'

Stacking the court: 'Guilty...guilty...guilty!'

'...So you see, when my client looted the pension fund, it was actually a desperate cry for help!'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Overruled."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

Attorney and killer bee.

You're Out Of Order

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'...unfortunately for you, I only see things in black and white.'

'No need to text me your answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'