Courtroom Worker Gifts

'I'm calling a recess unti tomorrow morning - That's enough justice for one day.'

Does your client plead guilty or not guilty? Yes. It's right in that range.

'This court hereby sentences you to fifteen months in an imaginary box.'

"Your honor, the jury was unable to reach a verdict because one juror didn't agree. AACK! However, he changed his mind and we now have a unanimous verdict."

Stacking the court: 'Guilty...guilty...guilty!'

'...So you see, when my client looted the pension fund, it was actually a desperate cry for help!'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Overruled."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

Attorney and killer bee.

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

You're Out Of Order

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'...unfortunately for you, I only see things in black and white.'