Court Clerk Gifts

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'One last time Mr Gallagher, 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' is not, nor will it ever be, an acceptable legal precedent.'

'We find the defense and prosecution arguments totally confusing without a doubt.'

"Answer the question with a simple yes or no. You may not 'say it with flowers' in a court of law."

'You can plead 'guilty,' or you can plead 'not guilty' - You can't plead 'no big deal'!'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'The demeanor of this judicial panel doesn't bode well for your appeal.'

'Objection overruled. Answer the bloody question.'

'Yes, I technically did give illegal orders, but I naturally expected that the integrity of my subordinates would prevent their being carried out.'

"I pledge allegiance to the flag...oh sorry, to honour and obey...on no that's not it..I name this ship.."

"Your Honor, we the jury blame the victim."

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

"What does this do to your expert's jury analysis?"

Just duty excuses.

'Your Honor, we the jury have leapt to a conclusion.'

'Twenty years? -- is there anything I can do for extra credit?'

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

Truth, Justice, Equality and Public Relations

'Society, I find you guilty of...everything.'

Maxims for the Bar.

Yawning barristers in court

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

"Send for a Prftgxrgplwtkn interpreter - case adjourned for a thousand light years."

"Do you swaer to tell half-truths and nothing but half-truths?"

'Before I sum up, Your Honor, I'd just like to say that you're beautiful when you're mad.'

'Guilty or not guilty?' - 'I'll start off with not guilty, and see how it goes.'

Expert witness in attention-deficit case: 'Sure I'm familiar with...look at this....'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"You will not gain any sympathy from this court by offering to give one-tenth of your haul to the Church."

'I plead guilty to he hanky, but not the panky.'