Court Employee Pillows

'More to the right!'

''Mobster'? -- I thought I agreed to testify against a lobster!'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

If it weren't for the Second, we wouldn't need to plea the Fifth.

'Some of us temper justice with mercy - McGregor tempers it with MONEY.'

'So I'm a bank robber -- What about multiculturalism?'

'We find for the defendant, but we're really not too crazy about his claim.'

'I hope the Court will take into account the fact that my client has been smoke-free for almost three months now!:

'You can plead 'guilty' or you can plead 'not guilty,' but you can't plead 'no problem.''

Trial by Media

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

Attorney and killer bee.

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

You're Out Of Order

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

Judge

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'