Country Living Humorist Gifts

Zeke only drinks craft hootch from a micro-still nowadays.

Cow watering lawn

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

I fart more than that!

Turtle Trailer Court

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

A Venus cow trap.

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

'If you're not doing anything, come on over and we'll shoot the bull!'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

I've been doing sit-ups!

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

Early American Think tank

"Daisy had twin bull calves. How'd you do?"