Country Life Humorist Gifts

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

'Oh! con-found these country looking glasses, though!''

'The cows are out and are not expected back.'

I can't work out how I got here either!

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

I fart more than that!

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

A Venus cow trap.

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

I've been doing sit-ups!

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

'Looks like we've got ourselves another cow jacking.'

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

COWS: Spare cow

"Daisy had twin bull calves. How'd you do?"

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

"The summer people are coming! The summer people are coming!"

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'

'Serves me right for frowning.'

'So I guess it's New Year!'

That's one harmonious butt hole!