Country Life Humorist Gifts

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

'Oh! con-found these country looking glasses, though!''

'The cows are out and are not expected back.'

I can't work out how I got here either!

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

I fart more than that!

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

A Venus cow trap.

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'If you're not doing anything, come on over and we'll shoot the bull!'

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

I've been doing sit-ups!

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

COWS: Spare cow

'Looks like we've got ourselves another cow jacking.'

"Daisy had twin bull calves. How'd you do?"

"The summer people are coming! The summer people are coming!"