Country Life Comedian Gifts

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

Would you mind if I hung round your backside for a while?

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

A cat has caught a cow which it is dragging through it's cat flap.

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

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"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"That was definitely mine."

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

"What do you mean I eat as though I was born in a barn? I WAS born in a barn."

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

I've been doing sit-ups!

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

"Daisy had twin bull calves. How'd you do?"

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

"The summer people are coming! The summer people are coming!"

Once a big time corporate higher flyer . . . Max was now living the dream on his alpaca farm.

'Serves me right for frowning.'

That's one harmonious butt hole!

'So much for your 'Big Brother!''

'I'm afraid to a horse a carrot is just a carrot!'

'So I guess it's New Year!'