Rural Life Comedian Gifts

The Farmer, The Log And The Log's Attorney

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

I fart more than that!

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

A Venus cow trap.

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

Cow has caught a frisby in his udders

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

Early American Think tank

COWS: Spare cow

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

"The summer people are coming! The summer people are coming!"

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

Model Village/Realistic Model Village.

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'