Rural Life Humorist Gifts

"This is the life eh.?"

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

Cow chewing to cud / bubble gum

'Now that's what I call a great 'Opening Ceremony'!'

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

'I'm just going to Global Village dear to post my email.'

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

NO ewe-turn.

Stile victim.

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

The Stepford Cows...

"The trouble with this town is there is no day life."

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

I fart more than that!

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

A Venus cow trap.

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

COWS: Spare cow

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'