Rural Life Humorist Pillows

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

Cow chewing to cud / bubble gum

'Now that's what I call a great 'Opening Ceremony'!'

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

'I'm just going to Global Village dear to post my email.'

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

NO ewe-turn.

Stile victim.

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

The Stepford Cows...

"The trouble with this town is there is no day life."

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

I fart more than that!

A Venus cow trap.

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

....aaaand.... HELICOPTER!

"We live so far away that the postman posts our mail to us."

Early American Think tank

Cow has caught a frisby in his udders

COWS: Spare cow