Counseling Comedic Gifts

'I'm afrraid you're in denial.' 'I know you are, but what am I?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'How was my evaluation They really cut me down to size.'

'What seems to be the problem?'

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'We don't bond any more.'

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

"I'm sensing big crybaby."

"Tell me about your problem drinking."

'You're radiating negative energy.'

"Death, death, death! That's all he ever talks about!"

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"I'm sorry, but you're not the patient your father was."

"I think that's your reptile brain speaking, Cynthia!"

'So tell me, Doc...am I cracked or not?'