Comedy In Counseling Gifts

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

Bog of depression.....'Can I come in ?'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

'What seems to be the problem?'

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'We don't bond any more.'

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

"This better work out."

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

"I'm sensing big crybaby."

'You're radiating negative energy.'

"Tell me about your problem drinking."

"I'm sorry, but you're not the patient your father was."

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"You're going to have to give up screwing around."

"Is it bad to be proud of your neurosis?"