Counseling Humor Gifts

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

'What seems to be the problem?'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

Bog of depression.....'Can I come in ?'

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'We don't bond any more.'

"Let the healing begin!"

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

"This better work out."

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

"I'm sensing big crybaby."

'You're radiating negative energy.'

"Tell me about your problem drinking."

"You're going to have to give up screwing around."

"I'm sorry, but you're not the patient your father was."

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."