Counseling Humor Gifts

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

'What seems to be the problem?'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

Bog of depression.....'Can I come in ?'

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'We don't bond any more.'

"Let the healing begin!"

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

'She's underhanded.'

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

"This better work out."

Dinosaurs Anonymous

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

"I'm sensing big crybaby."

'You're radiating negative energy.'

"Tell me about your problem drinking."

"I'm sorry, but you're not the patient your father was."

"Is it bad to be proud of your neurosis?"

"I think that's your reptile brain speaking, Cynthia!"