Humorous Counselor Gifts

Lawyer practical joke: 'DISBAR ME' taped on back.

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'What seems to be the problem?'

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'We don't bond any more.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

"This better work out."

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

'You're radiating negative energy.'

Off the wall legal advisor.

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

"Sometimes I think you only married me because I lived next door!"

"Not tonight, dear. I don't like you very much."

"I hate my mood swings."