Humorous Counselor Pillows

Lawyer practical joke: 'DISBAR ME' taped on back.

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'What seems to be the problem?'

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'We don't bond any more.'

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"This better work out."

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

'She's underhanded.'

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

'You're radiating negative energy.'

Off the wall legal advisor.

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

Your eyelids are growing heavy … No, wait … Better yet, your lips are growing heavy … !!!

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disciplines you, counselor. No problem, your honor. I just happen to have some furry handcuffs in my pocket.

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

"Sometimes I think you only married me because I lived next door!"

"Not tonight, dear. I don't like you very much."