Couples Counselor Humor Pillows

"Not tonight, dear. I don't like you very much."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

"See how controlling he is?!"

"You see?"

A woman thinks of flowers and a man thinks of a prison cell.

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"Whose turn is it to be happy?"

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"After 20 years of marriage, don't you think it's time you stopped calling your husband 'that Harold person'?"

Interpreters.

"I thought I could change him but he's the same dog he's always been."

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

Evolution of love

'We don't bond any more.'

Arguments Won: Her and Him.

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

"How come you only loosen up when you've got a cold?"

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

"This better work out."

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

Silent Fight #8997

"Don't be too upset. If we were meant to have good sex, we probably would have married other people."

"Clifford and I love New York, but all we seem to have for each other is mutual respect."

"O.K., the question is, how can we improve our relationship without spending more money."