Marital Counselor Humor Pillows

'We don't bond any more.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Let's take in a trial."

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"No heroic measures."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'