Marriage Counselor Humorous Recipient Pillows

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

'Do you promise to love her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until one day she decides to bite off your head and eat you.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

'If someone objects to this union, tweet now or forever hold your peace...'

'We don't bond any more.'

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

Your nose used to light up and buzz when I touched you.

"This better work out."

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

"He's not the frog I married."