Marriage Counselor Laugh Pillows

"Bad sex! Bad, bad, bad sex!"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Let's take in a trial."

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

Google Translate for Marriagese

'We don't bond any more.'

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

"Where has the magic gone, George?"

"This better work out."

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

"I don't like this hot dish."

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"