Relationship Counselor Humor Pillows

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

Santa finds his wife in bed with a melted snowman on the floor.

'I'm sick of all these men's virility enhancement TV ads. . . they're embarrassing to watch!'

"I'm finding it difficult to apologize to you,so I've decided to divorce you instead!"

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

'I miss the days when you used to wear cologne instead of just rolling in something in the backyard.'

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"The phrase is 'score,' dude."

Ereptile Dysfunction

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

Woman replaces her husband with her smartphone.

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

"You're a lot easier to live with once your antlers fall off."

Daughter/psychiatrist

"I came here because my podiatrist said he couldn't help me with my cold fee."

'We don't bond any more.'

"Is the light bothering you?"

"Henpecked?! Don't get me started about being hen-pecked buddy!"

'Wait...if you leave me, can I come too?'

'On TV they play dramatic music as the contestants enter the ring'

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

"This better work out."

I get the impression you find our sex life boring.

'What - you don't want to marry me after you became rich and famous? Oh, great! Now I've got to think about a new pension plan!'

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'