Relationship Advisor Humor Pillows

'Other than performing the Heimlich, when was the last time you put your arms around me?'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

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Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Always Compatible

"My computer just texted me."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."