Relationship Advisor Humor Pillows

'Other than performing the Heimlich, when was the last time you put your arms around me?'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Always Compatible

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"My computer just texted me."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."