Romance Advisor Pillows

"Well yes, she's broken one of your hearts, but you still have two more!"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"My computer just texted me."

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Hollywood Breakup

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

'Edwards... Tamano... this isn't what I had in mind when I sent you two out on the company retreat.'

Complaints departement for men and women.

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

"I THINK I've got an app for that!"

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'She barely gives the Chateau Haut Brion a chance to breath.'

"According to the statistics in this article, you should be my ex-husband and be three months behind in alimony payments."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

Preachers with far too much input