Amorous Advisor Pillows

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"My computer just texted me."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Hollywood Breakup

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

'Edwards... Tamano... this isn't what I had in mind when I sent you two out on the company retreat.'

Complaints departement for men and women.

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

"I THINK I've got an app for that!"

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'She barely gives the Chateau Haut Brion a chance to breath.'

"According to the statistics in this article, you should be my ex-husband and be three months behind in alimony payments."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

Preachers with far too much input