Quirky Relationship Advisor Pillows

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

Try Mediation

Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"You don't whisper anymore."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"My computer just texted me."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

Hollywood Breakup

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

Complaints departement for men and women.

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

'Edwards... Tamano... this isn't what I had in mind when I sent you two out on the company retreat.'

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"According to the statistics in this article, you should be my ex-husband and be three months behind in alimony payments."

'And do you, Desiree, take plan B to be your lawfully wedded...'

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'She barely gives the Chateau Haut Brion a chance to breath.'

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'