Quirky Relationship Analyst Pillows

'Sorry you're just not Mr Right. I'm prescription and you're a non-prescription drug.'

"Typical man! Just when I thought we were in a loving relationship...he goes and calls the cops every time he sees you hiding in the bushes outside his apartment."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'Why does being with you feel like an accident waiting to happen, Roger?'

"You don't whisper anymore."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

Awkward First Dates

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

Relationships.

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I've had you appraised."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."