Quirky Relationship Advisor Gifts

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"You don't whisper anymore."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"My computer just texted me."

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

Hollywood Breakup

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

'Edwards... Tamano... this isn't what I had in mind when I sent you two out on the company retreat.'

Complaints departement for men and women.

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

"I THINK I've got an app for that!"

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

'She barely gives the Chateau Haut Brion a chance to breath.'

"According to the statistics in this article, you should be my ex-husband and be three months behind in alimony payments."

Preachers with far too much input