Quirky Relationship Commentator Gifts

'The photos? These are the three people most dear to me ? my wife, my accountant, and my lawyer.'

"You don't whisper anymore."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'You disgust me; but I like it.'

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"Steve and I live together, but we're getting indicted separately."

"Now who's being judgy?"

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"I don't see what you see in him."

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

Bread Winner-Need More Dough

"Have you seen my mind? My wife thinks I've lost it."

"I don't want to get too serious."

Colin knew things were going well when he saw his date trying to make him jealous.

"I married him for his intelligence, turns out that was artificial as well!"