Relationship Advisor Gifts

"No, I love them. They really bring out the blue in your eyes!"

In your dreams, ladies.

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"

Eve's Mom

"There's an article in here that explains why you're such an idiot."

White Wine Wisdom

'...Anyway, enough about me. Tell me a little bit about yourself.'

'I caught him at a pub walking around and asking women to 'embrace change'.'

'Get his mind off batting by talking about his investments and marital problems.'

'So who gets the apple tree and who gets the fig leaves?' 'The First Prenuptial Agreement.'

"I can explain everything."

"Harold, we need to talk."

Try Mediation

'Sometimes I wish husbands could be recalled for the correction of defects!'

"Describe the pain in my neck? Well, he's about five-foot-eight, bald, kind of dumpy.."

'I drink because I can't stand my wife since she got fat'...'I comfort eat because I can't stand living with a lousy alcoholic.'

Abusive text messages between an arguing couple

"The trouble is, he's a lousy lover!" "How can you tell in three minutes?"

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"Oh, come on back Yin. I was only kidding."

"Look, I've denied it - can we move on?"

"I just realized everyone I know is fake."

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

"I'm hoping to buy back everything I lost in the divorce at the garage sale she's having."

'To see if my husband is cheating, I have to check his pockets, wallet and NOW his E-MAIL!'

"So my last suggestion wasn't much help, then?"

'Admit it, you need to wear spectacles.'

'It's not you, it's me.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Nasty case...wife dropped his hardware onto his software."

Men never learn how to answer THAT question. Derek realised that impersonations of a heavy vehicle reversing was not the correct answer either.

Wife to lazy husband: 'Popping a button on your shirt does not constitute being spontaneous.'

'He could be right - maybe we have been taking the problem too seriously.'

'Sorry, dear, did you say something?'

'Anything you want to know about women, fellas, just ask me - I used to be a woman, once,'