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"But I don't want to divorce him if I can't blame him."

"No, I love them. They really bring out the blue in your eyes!"

In your dreams, ladies.

'...Anyway, enough about me. Tell me a little bit about yourself.'

'So who gets the apple tree and who gets the fig leaves?' 'The First Prenuptial Agreement.'

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"

White Wine Wisdom

'Get his mind off batting by talking about his investments and marital problems.'

"No, you idiot. It says 'I left you four brownies'!"

"There's an article in here that explains why you're such an idiot."

Eve's Mom

'I caught him at a pub walking around and asking women to 'embrace change'.'

Try Mediation

'I drink because I can't stand my wife since she got fat'...'I comfort eat because I can't stand living with a lousy alcoholic.'

"I can explain everything."

"Harold, we need to talk."

'Sometimes I wish husbands could be recalled for the correction of defects!'

"Describe the pain in my neck? Well, he's about five-foot-eight, bald, kind of dumpy.."

Men never learn how to answer THAT question. Derek realised that impersonations of a heavy vehicle reversing was not the correct answer either.

"Nasty case...wife dropped his hardware onto his software."

'Sorry, dear, did you say something?'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

"I just realized everyone I know is fake."

"I'm hoping to buy back everything I lost in the divorce at the garage sale she's having."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

The first wife's club.

"Oh, come on back Yin. I was only kidding."

'How are your wedding plans coming along?'

'He could be right - maybe we have been taking the problem too seriously.'

"The trouble is, he's a lousy lover!" "How can you tell in three minutes?"

Cupid on the therapist's couch: 'Sometimes I think about buying a gun.'

"More like 50 shaded of beige."

'To see if my husband is cheating, I have to check his pockets, wallet and NOW his E-MAIL!'

Wife to lazy husband: 'Popping a button on your shirt does not constitute being spontaneous.'

Viagara Pills.