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Advice From The Black Widow

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Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"My computer just texted me."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

Hollywood Breakup

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

Complaints departement for men and women.

'Edwards... Tamano... this isn't what I had in mind when I sent you two out on the company retreat.'

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

"Just tell us who's winning."