Relationship Advisor Aplomb Pillows

Advice From The Black Widow

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Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"My computer just texted me."

'You've changed since we got married.'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

Hollywood Breakup

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

Complaints departement for men and women.

'Edwards... Tamano... this isn't what I had in mind when I sent you two out on the company retreat.'

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"Just tell us who's winning."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'