Relationship Advisers Pillows

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'I'm not the sort of guy who would kiss and tell.'

"It's not you, I just prefer big dogs."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'You know too much!'

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Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

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"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"If you don't stop saying 'This whole game is a charade!' we're going home."

"My computer just texted me."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

WHO checklist

Awkward First Dates