Relationship Consultant Pillows

'Ah, Peter, this must be the trophy wife.'

"I'm always impressed by these matrimonial agreements, as my wife and I have never agreed on a thing."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

The best financial decision I ever made.

Relationship Warning Lights

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"You've changed."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"