Relationship Consultant Pillows

'Ah, Peter, this must be the trophy wife.'

"I'm always impressed by these matrimonial agreements, as my wife and I have never agreed on a thing."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Relationship Warning Lights

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"You've changed."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"