Relationship Coaches Pillows

'...Do you, Thomas, take Charleen as your wife, to love and cherish, for better of worse...use Rehab as may be needed...for as long as you both shall live?'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'You know too much!'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"You've changed."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

Relationship Warning Lights

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"I think we'd make a good team!"