Dating Coach Pillows

"That's the dating guru."

'Pinocchio, under the 'would like to meet' section you've put 'fun-loving brunette made of oak'. This may prove difficult.'

'He's my dating coach. Don't worry, you'll get used to him after a few hours.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

Lively bubbly blonde WLTM....

'Dream-dates don't normally go for nightmares.'

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"Women like funny men, but you can't go on a date dressed like that!"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"At least have the decency to send her a text to tell her you're not interested."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

'...Do you, Thomas, take Charleen as your wife, to love and cherish, for better of worse...use Rehab as may be needed...for as long as you both shall live?'

'Lost that loving feeling. If found, call 555-1234.'

"Take that mammoth back. It's not 'wooly' enough."

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

'You wanted to go on a romantic outing. You're on a romantic outing.'

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'What is that? Is that sarcasm?'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

Catch and release dating.

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

"Arthur, I need my space."

"It's not you-it's me."

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

'You used to make love to me like a Flying Scotsman, now you're more like a Puffing Billy!'