Dating Consultant Pillows

'Can't be high-maintenance, but she must have class. Economy class.'

'OK - I'll enter 'beauty queen', 'millionairess' and 'pub landlady' and we'll see waht comes up' (dating agency).

'Yes I'm sure we will be able to put together your perfect match.'

Old fashioned picky man at a dating agency

"With so many dating services online, I had to diversify."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

Refusing to pay for a dating service.

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

"Blue eyed blonde...let me check the files."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"At first I thought it must be a typo when your profile said you were 'all mussel'."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

Yeah, you're right. She's playing hard-to-get.

Boyfriend of the Month.

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

The Stages of Wine

"Women like funny men, but you can't go on a date dressed like that!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

"I'm always impressed by these matrimonial agreements, as my wife and I have never agreed on a thing."

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"I've had my eye on you for some time"