Comedy In Counseling Pillows

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

'What seems to be the problem?'

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

Bog of depression.....'Can I come in ?'

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'We don't bond any more.'

Dinosaurs Anonymous

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

"This better work out."

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

'She's underhanded.'

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

"I'm sensing big crybaby."

"Tell me about your problem drinking."

'You're radiating negative energy.'

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"I'm sorry, but you're not the patient your father was."

"I think that's your reptile brain speaking, Cynthia!"

"You're going to have to give up screwing around."

"Is it bad to be proud of your neurosis?"