Career Counselor Humor Pillows

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

'How was my evaluation They really cut me down to size.'

'... And, don't worry about his future. I'm sure my Son will give him a job, when they grow up.'

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

'We don't bond any more.'

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

Early career fair

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

"This better work out."

'She's underhanded.'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'You were on your fishing trip so long I met someone new and raised a family.'

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

'Take my advice - if you get a tattoo, put it where it will not show on a job interview.'

'You're radiating negative energy.'

"I find it admirable that you're so honest about your flaws in your resume. This has just saved the both of us a lot of time."

'Tell me more about your programmer.'