Playful Counselor Pillows

Kid on the way to pricipal's office see a girl in the hall with a stand setup to give legal advice.

Ice Cream Surgeon

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

A child as a pet substitute.

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

Junior Doctor.

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

Personal Relationship Counsellor

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

Playing Doctors.

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

'What seems to be the problem?'

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

'It's all right. You're allowed to get up on this couch.'

'I thought being married to a rodeo clown would be more fun.'

"Race you to the spleen!"

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Your Uncle Mort and Sadie are back from Canada. Are they still getting married? Yeah, but they're slowing things down. They're going to talk to someone about their problems. A counselor is always a good idea. They couldn't exactly afford a professional. He doesn't put the bathroom seat down.

'Today in Tactile Effusions Class we are going to pop the bubbles in this packing material.'

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

'There's nothing physically wrong. It needs a psychiatrist.'

Off the wall legal advisor.

'My dad was a workaholic...' 'Mine was a drunken stumbblebum.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'